Stronger

Yesterday I got my second injection in my knee. We'll third if you count the cortisone shot. It is a medicine similar to Synvisc and is injected in a series of 5 shots. I haven't seen any improvement yet but I'm still hopeful. It actually hurts worse for a day or two after. Nothing like getting a six inch needle stuck into one of the most painful places on your body. My pain is getting harder to control the longer I'm on pain meds. I think my body is just getting too used to them. We've considered trying to change them but after the awful reactions I've had

, I'm not excited to try anything new. I've never been so dependent on medications before and I really don't like it, but my option is not walking. I'm trying to find a balance between using my legs as much as I can (which is healthier for my whole body) and finding a pain threshold that is tolerable. Not a fun choice to have to make.

Today I made a quick trip to Walmart all by myself!! I needed a bad to haul all my gym stuff. My other bag just went over my shoulder and I needed a pack that can strap on my chair and on my back without falling off when I'm using my crutches. It was a small victory for me to make it to through checkout all by myself! I know Walmart has chairs that are powered but I've only ever had to use them when I was just out of surgery and they are tainted by association. Also, Walmart is so big that if I really have to shop, I'm dying of agony if I don't have help. I've completely avoided the store for months now. But today, I did it!

I also made it to the gym. My knee doc has ordered 30-60 mins of cardio a week. That seems insane for someone who can't walk well but after we talked about my options, it seems more manageable. I can use my wheelchair, the hand cycle at the gym and swimming. I'll just have to rotate through them. He said for someone who has been as athletic as I have been, it's important to get that back as much as I can, not only for the physical benefits but also the emotional ones as well. It is a super lofty goal but I think it really is what I need to do. I've put off going to the gym again till I was "better."  He explained that going back would be a way to help me get to "better."

Walking in the doors was really emotional. I feel like I've conquered so many of my own demons there. I first joined the gym after our second son, Colin, passed away after he was born and I can say that I've honestly invested blood, sweat and tears into my workouts there. In fact, I had a secret dream to teach the women's weightlifting class there. Not so much the case now. Still, I was happy to realize how many of the exercises I could still do, even if modified. One of the trainers recognized me on the way out. Last I had seen him, he had torn his Achilles tendon so we had some common ground to chat about. After hearing my story, he offered a free personal training session to help me out how to modify my favorite exercises. I'm taking him up on it tomorrow! I think I can, I think I can....